Treatment Revision

From our audience research, specifically our focus group, we decided we need to revise our treatment. Below is the new, revised treatment based on the feedback we received:

Title:
An original screenplay by Jamie Payne, Ryan Kent, Kayleigh Morris, and Alisha Ward
Dated: 15th December 2011

Together, we present a comedy film, about the adventures of Louis and Barry, two teenagers with an imagination which far exceeds the normal expectations. A third friend, Bonnie, a female as this was what our focus group suggested in a way to challenge the conventions where characters are generally male, plays the voice of reason throughout as the friends try to figure out what actually happened the night before.

As the story unfolds, we discover that their night out turned out to be far more than anyone expected, as they encounter superhero's, aliens, emotional turmoils, and an amazing bromance, although this most likely wont be included within the first two minutes, as to avoid showing the entire movie in the opening sequence. Throughout the opening sequence, several fights and arguments breakout.

The opening sequence of the film would involve Louis and Barry waking up in a park in fancy dress, tied to and asleep in a tree. Louis is woken up when his phone goes off, and panics and falls out of the tree he was in, and answers his phone, just as he see's Barry asleep tied to the same tree. The scene split screens to a conversation between Louis and Bonnie, as she quizzes him on where the pair of them are. Louis gets off the phone and falls back to sleep on the floor. A few 'minutes' later, as in the movie it's seconds but realistically minutes, Bonnie arrives holding two mugs of tea and a bag full of biscuits, scissors, and clean clothes. she then cuts a still sleeping Barry out and he falls to the floor and wakes up, shouting that the aliens want to kill him. Bonnie soothes him and gives him and Louis a mug of tea and a biscuit each, but Barry starts again when realising he's dressed as a superhero, and claims they want to kill him, sparking an argument between Louis and Barry, as they both argue over what happened he night before. Louis shoved Barry to the ground, and the screen switches to tiles of Louis and Barry working, and the title sequence.

We intent to use strange mise-en-scene as we said before. Instead of being dressed messily as we originally planned, the characters are dressed in fancy dress costumes, as our focus group suggested, in order to add comical value to the scene, though as yet, we're unsure of exactly what the costumes will be. The props which we well be using are things such as empty drink cans and bottles, cups of tea, packets of biscuits etc. We intend to have the lighting fairly bright most of the time, however due to the time of the year we're filming, we may end up relying on editing in order to have this lighting. We would use a fair amount of editing and effects on the scenes, for things such as the lighting, sounds and music.

For camera, we will use a lot of reaction and close up shots. Until Louis' phone rings, we will use extreme close ups and close ups, and then we will zoom out and reveal their location, and Louis laying in it, and Barry taped to it. From here, we would use primarily mid-shots and reaction shots.

Our target audience has now changed, as it is now aimed at those between the ages 15-30